Hot.
3:51 p.m. on 2005-08-08
Uhm.. Yesterday.
There were loads of people in my house, guess they were my friends.. -_-
Didn't really pay that much attention to them, except when they climbed on me and stuff.
I keep spacing out really bad recently.. It's fucked.
Uhh, Mark called me randomly. Something was telling me not to put the phone down though, and I actually physically couldn't.
He was just rambling on about how he's suicidal and needs to see me, and how he doesn't love his wife and thinks about me every time they fuck.
He makes me feel so sick.
He still managed to make me feel dirty and guilty.
What if he really was suicidal? He has three children.. I know what it's like when your father dies. I know what it's like to live every day feeling like there's something missing. Who am I to cause that pain?
But as Naddy said, what if he does it to his children too?
Does he actually deserve to live?
I know it's probably just more bullshit to get me to go, just so he can fuck up my life all over again, but I still have all these questions I need answers to.
I was kind of upset so Naddy called to cheer me up -_- She made me watch an Indian film..
I need not say anymore about that.
Then I watched her eat on cam to make sure she did, and I got a really strong urge to stroke a beard.. Like a proper long one.
I'm not sure why.. I just knew I had to do it.
So I ran down the road looking for men with beards.. I stopped running when my pants started falling down.
I went quite a long way though -_-
Finally.. That's when I saw him.
Some old man with a scary little dog.
I can't really remember the conversation, and I can't be fucked to get it out of Naddy's message log so -___- But I stroked his beard! Yay!
When I got back in everyone was getting totally wasted.
Mike got all clingy like he does when he's drunk and there's a lot of people around, sitting on my lap and hiding in my t-shirt and stuff.
Then everyone kept bugging me really bad so Naddy went on mic and made them all sit down and told them a story.
It was actually so fucking cute, they all sat around me in a circle, and it was like looking after loads of children.. Bless.
Uhh, skip some man..
Phone call with my Naddy >___<
She started off by reading me her favourite childhood book Desperate for a Dog -_- You should read it man, it's amazing.
Then I read her my two favourite childhood books (which reminds me I have to scan in baby Liam scribbles and pictures).
Uhh.. Skip hours of talking..
Naughtyness >__<
We spoke about it for a while, like.. I really wanted to the whole time but I didn't want to say it because I didn't think Naddy was horny liek.
I didn't want to make a fool out of myself -_-
But, uhh.. Finallyyyy we did it.
We discussed like how we both just sit there for ten minutes not knowing when to start, lmao.. So we said we'd just start straight away and then at least we'd know when the other had.
It was so much hotter than last time. Not that I didn't find last time hot, but Naddy was really shy, which in turn made me more shy, and shyness when you're supposed to be letting go isn't good -_-
We were both much more vocal, and getting more into it.
Every time she moaned it sent shivers through my entire body.
I just felt so close to her, and it just made me love her and want her even more.
It was so easy to picture when I closed my eyes. It just felt so fucking good.
I.. uhh.. Came twice >___<
There was the usual silence afterwards, but I don't really mind it. It's kind of nice to just be able to come down and think about it.
Really wanted a smoke though -_-
Uhm, we spoke for a bit more after that. Talked about it some, even though I went totally shy. I hate it when I do that.. It's like, I know what I want to say, and I do want to say it so bad, but it actually wont come out of my mouth.
I really wanted to sleep, just so time would go quick and I could speak to her again.
Naddy hung up at 6am, and I went to sleep near enough straight away.
Had some fucked up scary dream though.
Woke up kind of early and had to stay awake because I knew it would just come back as soon as I closed my eyes.
Went downstairs and as expected everyone had passed out all over the place -_-
Started cleaning some of the mess up, but soon got bored.
Uhh, now I'm hungry, so I'm going to find food..
Lost ||In The|| Chaos
