sdflkandfbhn
8:31 p.m. on 2005-08-21
I decided that I'd update now, incase I got drunk later and wouldn't make sense. As of now I've been alone about 5 hours.
I fucking hate this BPD. I wish I could just stand my own company like any normal person.
But each minute drags by like it's an hour, just sitting and staring at the wall.
It's happening more and more recently, and I just can't handle it.
I know Mike would totally stay home if I asked him, but I don't like to. He needs time away from things, or he gets all twitchy and paranoid.
Anyway, his friends are already saying he's under the thumb, I don't want to make them think it even more -_- I know *sometimes* it isn't Naddy's fault that she isn't here, and I know sometimes she just doesn't think a situation through.
But in a way, I have to blame her, or I'll just blame myself for being this loser who clearly has no *real* friends. And the outcome of that wouldn't be pretty.
When did I lose all my friends? Haven't heard from Samuel for what seems like years.
See, the aloneness makes days drag so bad. In reality it's only been about three days, but he wont reply to my texts or anything, so uhh.. Maybe he hates me now or something. And it's just little things that make me paranoid that no one likes me anymore.
Stuff like Samuel not replying to me.
Hannah not calling me from V like we usually do (even though she said she would).
Maybe people just shrug it off and think "Ah, it isn't that much of a big deal. It wont exactly hurt him.", but I'm sitting here picking myself apart.
Trying to figure out what's so wrong with me.
People are always like "Oh everyone loves you", well.. Where are they? Where are these fucking people who love me so much? I really need to get out of the house.
Lost ||In The|| Chaos
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